nobody said it was easy
by coerulus
Summary: no one ever said it would be this hard; oh, take me back to the start.


So far, Sabrina has said nothing besides ordering her usual at the Blue Plate Special—cheeseburger, cheese fries with a side of brown gravy, an egg cream, and blueberry cobbler. It's not normal. The Sabrina Grimm Veronica knows would be digging into the aforementioned cheeseburger with an almost Daphne-like gusto.

"How are you, sweetheart?" she begins. She reaches across the table and gently picks up a strand of Sabrina's blonde locks. "Your hair's gotten so long."

Sabrina shrugs. "I'm fine." She swirls the straw of her egg cream and takes a small sip.

Veronicas lips wrinkle into a frown. "You just led a war and saved the world at twelve years old. You're not fine, Sabrina. That's why I brought you here. I've been missing for so much of your life. That's not what a mother should do." She looks down at her battle-scarred fingers; guiltily, almost.

"You couldn't help it," Sabrina whispers. Despite the fact that it's some eighty degrees outside, she wears a hoodie with the hood drawn over her face and baggy pants to hide the horrible scars on her skin. "It's not your fault."

"And then there was the war," Veronica continues, "and I couldn't be there for you either. I haven't done my job as a mother these past years. It's time I start again."

She doesn't respond, just takes another small sip from her egg cream. A bead of condensation glistens at the base of the glass. "It doesn't matter, Mom."

"But it _does_ matter, honey," Veronica persists. "Where have you been in the years that we've been gone?"

"Mr. Park rented us to be dogcatchers for his Korean restaurant," Sabrina says, counting on her fingers. "The Wentworths had Bengal tigers in their living room. The Donovans made us eat nothing but lima beans, Mr. Drisko made us give his ferrets baths, Ms. Vic kept me locked in a bathroom and shoved food in through a cat flap for a month and a half, and Benny Lancaster cut off all my hair while I was asleep." Untrimmed nails dig deeply into the warm fleece of her hoodie.

Veronica's mouth has fallen into an O. "I knew they didn't treat you right at the orphanage," she breathes, "but…never…never this."

She shrugs. Another bead of condensation drips down the side.

"It's not normal, sweetheart," Veronica says, a little sharply.

"I _know_ it's not normal! I know I'm a freak, I don't need to be told that from my mother!" Sabrina snarls, causing a few people to turn and stare at the two. A piercing glare from Sabrina makes them turn right back.

"You're not a freak, Sabrina," Veronica says. She bites her lip. "You're just…too old for your years."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Don't you remember, Sabrina? Don't you remember anything before we disappeared?"

"No." The answer is short, curt, and emotionless.

Veronica sighs. "You and Daphne were always pretty little girls. You grew up into beautiful young women. I think…" she runs her tongue over her lips carefully, "I think I liked you better when you were little. You're guarded."

"I have reasons to be."

"Of course you do, I know that. I just miss my little girls. I miss taking pictures of you two splashing in bubble bath, or when Daphne got cotton candy stuck in her hair when we went to Coney Island. Our little play stove where you would always play the chef and Daphne would be your customer, and you would pull the silver dome off of a 'fih-let mig-nun' and serve it to her." She sighs, a little wistfully. Her strawberry milkshake lies untouched for the last ten minutes, still half full.

Sabrina tilts her head and brushes some hair out of her face. "Go…go on."

"Daphne liked to try and braid your hair, and she wanted you to look like the actresses on TV," Veronica continues, a sad smile gracing her features. "I think she still likes to play with your hair."

Sabrina nods, her lips curving ever so slightly.

"Your dad would crawl on all fours with Daphne on his back and chase you, pretending to be a horse and Daphne a cowgirl. You used to be Ol' Woolly Jack of the Wild, Wild West, the best bank robber this side of the Mississippi. I'd be the lady who had her purse stolen, and then we'd all go to the kitchen and drink ginger ale and pretend they were big foaming mugs of beer." Her voice cracks on 'we'd'.

"Tell me more." She's listening intently now, leaning forward, wanting to soak up every last memory of a life gone by.

"You would act out old Greek myths," Veronica murmurs. "You would be Icarus, and Daphne would be Daedalus, and you would fly by jumping across the couches, escaping from the Minotaur while the lovely Minoan queen would hold the monster back. Sometimes you would be a mime, and Daphne would laugh and laugh when you swatted at invisible flies. Other times, you'd be a brave samurai on his way to save a beautiful Japanese aristocrat."

It comes back to her, just a little bit. The story of Icarus, where she took Elmer's glue and pasted feathers to her and Daphne's sleeves. She remembers jumping over a vase of lilies, and having to help Daphne over because she couldn't jump that high.

"Really?" The word is a whisper.

Veronica nods. "You…" she pauses to clear her throat and dab at her eyes, "…you were such sweet, creative children. You were…happy."

'Happy' is the only word that registers in the sea of old 70's jukebox music, peals of laughter, and the smell of burgers and fries. Like a favorite memory just remembered.

"Happy?"

Something about the taste of the word is strange. It's smooth, not easy to say, but not hard to say either, and leaves behind a taste like slow-melting vanilla ice cream.

"Yeah," Veronica says gently, "happy."

She sits quietly in her seat, acutely aware of the sweat pooling in the back of her shirt and the strange aching tug in her gut. It isn't wholly pleasant, but it's…somewhat comforting, in a way. A warmth, like the first gulp of hot chocolate on a snowy day.

Veronica allows Sabrina this moment of silence, a brief pause in time as she watches her daughter stare into the window reflection. A corner of the scar shows from her face. Her eyes are shiny, her nose a little pink. A hand lifts, brushes against her skin.

"Honey?"

"Yeah, Mom?"

She slides along the U-shaped booth and envelops Sabrina in her arms. It's all she needs to do.

And Sabrina lets herself be hugged. It's been too long since she's inhaled the flowery notes of her mother's perfume, since she's buried her face in the long, dark hair like she did when she was a child. She doesn't say anything, just allows herself to be held; to relax.

Because sometimes, silence is more powerful than any kind of speech.

 _finis_

* * *

 **LONG ASS A/N BEWARE and i don't own sg lol i just remembered the disclaimer (i don't own the song in my summary either)**

 **right okay, so today is just one of those days where i just simply cannot be shitted to write using proper capitalization and grammar for my a/n's. yes, yes, i do tend to get on people's cases for grammar, but tbh i really don't care how they write in their an's as long as it isn't in their actual story. and i've realized that most of the really _really_ good oneshots have lowercase titles and summaries (eg flutterbugger, bluepianos, ember53608) so i wanna see if it makes a difference in my writing. i'm probably just paranoid af, but whatever. **

**anyways, i'm actually not entirely sure what this was supposed to be. i had this whole metaphor about black paint and then i was like 'wtf that makes no sense i am going to spiral into a pit of confusion' so i erased it. so...i guess it's like an angsty thing? i mean, i wanted to explore veronica and sabrina's mother-daughter relationship and i was like 'what better way to do so than after the war?' _also_ i DID look up how to write a character suffering from ptsd and i tried to write it as best as i could, so if this is inaccurate or unrealistic, just tell me please.**

 **NOW THE IMPORTANT PART**

 **i, annie carter...am going on semi hiatus.**

 **worry not! i won't be gone forever. it just means that all my updates/oneshots will come in either huge SPURTS of publishing or they'll be long and drawn out. i'll still review as much as possible, but really, with all the schoolwork going on, i'm going to have to push ffn and tumblr aside for a while. (and if any of you more senior and experienced members have advice for a smol freshman like myself i will be v grateful to hear it)**

 _ **the rest of the updates are on my profile, please check it out, i have mentioned a few lovely people's names on it and a bit of important information**_

 **that is allllllllll for now! thank you so much for reading, please leave a review and favorite this story!**


End file.
